To the one who’s always there.
You make the time that most can’t spare. You cherish the 5mins it takes to lift someone’s spirit. You ensure your smile is kept coz you know someone somewhere is inspired by it. So even when you don’t feel like it, that smile stays put. Their happiness matters more to you than whatever you are facing or feeling. So you suck it in and always make time for those who need you. Always going the extra mile, always making the sacrifice.
To the one who always cares.
Even when no one else sees, you stay back to say that “thank you” to those who work behind the scenes. You give a listening ear to everyone who needs to vent. Gently and soothingly you quench the fires of anger whenever they arise around you.
To the one who always loves.
Wholeheartedly you pour out your soul. Is it scary? Always. But you do it all the same coz “What’s the point in loving if you don’t give it your all?” right? So, your sweat and blood you drop for those you love.
To the one that’s hurting.
You conceal the wounds coz no one wants help from someone who needs it more. You pretend everything is fine and keep that smile plastered on. You just have to be fine. Too many people depend on you for you to be anything less.
To the one in pain.
It’s sharp, it’s stabbing, you’re wincing yet you keep going. They don’t need the extra weight of caring for you. That’s what you’ve come to believe. Day after day, month after month, and year after year. You keep saying it to yourself that now it’s become a part of you.
To the one that’s breaking.
You’re barely standing. Your heart is in pieces yet you keep giving out from what’s left. You hide away the brokenness coz at this point, you’ve started recoiling at the sense of pity. That’s what you call it; pity. When they ask how you are, your response comes out rehearsed to perfection. Always ending with a joke. Distract them from your faltering voice. Changing subjects has become a master craft for you, almost second nature.
To the one that’s broken.
Your breaking point has come. You wake up with tears and cry yourself to sleep daily. You don’t even know what the problem is anymore. It’s too deep to start digging, too painful to uncover. The wounds are decaying and putrid. Now you know you NEED help. So you start running.
Everyone is busy.
No one seems to have the time.
It’s stabbing at your heart. “But I made the time” you sob.
You decide to go to your “inner circle” only to discover that you are not in your circle’s circle. The realization hits you hard. You don’t take it very well.
Now you’re on the floor and the tears won’t stop.
A knock on the door. Should you answer? Should you just ignore it like all the ones that came before? It’s persistent . They won’t go away. Perhaps it’s someone who’s finally heard the screams your pillows absorbed and has come to be a friend.
So you open the door.
“Hi” they start.
“Could you please be a darling and help me out with these?” they end as they hand you a list. A list of to-do’s
Everything in you screams No! Anger boils withing, fatigue threatens to knock you off your feet, tears rush to your eyes and are on the brink of falling.
“Sure” Escapes your smiling mouth.
(to be continued)
Erratic Monotony 